Las mejores p*tas comedias que te puedes echar a la cara

Yo creo que esto pasa algo desapercibido por aquí, pero llevamos unos años DPM de comedias yanquis. Muchas de las películas con las que más me he partido el culo son de la última década y americanas. La generación de ac*jonantes actores de comedia es larga... Will Ferrell por encima de todos. Pero están los hermanos Wilson (Luke y Owen), Seth Rogen, Steve Carell, Ben Stiller, Jack Black... Es triste, pero exceptuando a Stiller la mayoría de estos actores no son famosos aquí. Y estoy seguro que la mayoría de las espectaculares comedias de los últimos años han pasado sin pena ni gloria por España. Voy a reivindicar por tanto unas cuantas... Aquí va el Top 10 de las mejores comedias con chorradas de altísima factura.

10. There's something about Mary (Algo pasa con Mary)

Un clásico ya desde hace años. La escena del rabo pillado en la cremallera es durísima, pero en general la peli es muy cachonda. Ben Stiller en su papel habitual de calzonazos y Matt Dillon haciendo de tipo hortera, mezquino y deplorable, que son siempre los más divertidos.

9. Wedding Crashers (De boda en boda)

Vince Vaughn es un actor que a veces da la impresión de que le importa una mierda la película (recuerdo una de bolos con Ben Stiller que no me la trago ni yo, que me lo trago todo), pero en esta da el pego. Es un poco vanilla a partes, porque supongo que había que atraer al público femenino. La mejor parte son los cinco minutos de Will Ferrell haciendo de un superligón que vive con su madre a los 40 años. Legendario. Hay que verlo.

John: "You met her at a funeral?"
Chazz: "Yeah, I'll throw in a wedding every now and then, but funerals are insane! The chicks are so horny, it's not even fair. It's like fishing with dynamite."
John: "Horny?"
Chazz: "Yeah, crazy horny."
John: "I just-- at a funeral?"
Chazz: "Grief is nature's most powerful aphrodisiac."
John: "Huh?"
Chazz: "Look it up."

8. Baby Mama

La protagonista es la gran Tina Fey, una estrella del Saturday Night Live que hace la imitación de Sarah Palin y es la creadora y estrella de una serie con Alec Baldwin que creo que en España sólo veo yo. Una de las raras veces en que mujeres llevan el peso cómico de una película de humor y resulta gracioso. Lo siento, pero es así.

7. Bad Santa

Otro con personaje hipermezquino de protagonista. Lo clava Billy Bob Thornton, que es un tío que en comedia funciona también muy bien y eso que no sonríe jamás. El niño de la peli es rarismo. Te partes el Ohio. Bad Santa y Elf (otra de Will Ferrell) son las mejores que he visto de temática navideña.

6. Borat

En fin, esta la conocéis todos. Poco más que decir. Cualquier cosa que haga el protagonista en adelante va a quedar ensombrecido por ese personaje tan redondo.

5. Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (Pasado de vueltas)

Otra que aquí no ha visto nadie. Will Ferrell en su típico papel de macho absolutamente subnormal. El dúo con John C. Reilly, que hace de compañero de equipo en carreras NASCAR, es c*jonudo. De hecho, creo que están rodando otro flim juntos.

Ricky Bobby: "I sent in my application to The Real World, so I'm hoping to hear back from that. I'm putting a lot of my eggs into that basket, the MTV basket. I'm also thinking about getting a gun, and dealing crack. Being a crack dealer. Not, like, a mean crack dealer, but like... like a nice one. Kinda friendly, like, "Hey, what's up guys? You want some crack?" I'm just waiting on those two things to just kinda flesh themselves out."

Cal Naughton (hablando con un Ricky en coma): "There's somethin' I want to get off my chest. It's about that summer, when you went away to community college. I got an offer to do Playgirl Magazine, and I did it. I did a full spread for Playgirl Magazine. I mean spread, man, I pulled my butt apart and stuff. I was totally nude. It was weird, I... I mean, you probably didn't hear about it 'cause I went under the name of Mike Honcho. But I just wanted you to know that. If you can hear me, if it got into your brain somehow, that I spread my buttcheeks as Mike Honcho."

4. Knocked Up (Lío embarazoso)

La protagonista es la rubia alta de esa m*erda de serie llamada Anatomía de Grey. Salva el culo bastante bien para que se luzcan Seth Rogen (que va a ser el próximo Will Ferrell), Paul Rudd (el que hacía de novia de Phoebe en Friends al final de la serie) y el resto del grupo de amigos fumetas que proyectan ganarse la vida haciendo un portal sobre desnudos de famosas. Los diálogos son machistas a saco. Si eres tía, seguramente no te va a gustar.

Ben Stone: You know, the best thing for a hangover is weed. Do you smoke weed?
Alison Scott: Not really.
Ben Stone: You don't?
Alison Scott: No.
Ben Stone: At all?
Alison Scott: Uh-uh.
Ben Stone: Like... in the morning?
Alison Scott: No... I just... don't.
Ben Stone: It is, like, the best medicin. 'Cause it fixes everything. Jonah broke his elbow once. We just... got high and... it still clicks but, I mean, he's ok.

Ben Stone: Do you want to do it doggie style?
Alison Scott: You're not going to fuck me like a dog.
Ben Stone: It's doggie style. It's just the style. We don't have to go outside or anything.

3. Old School (Aquellas juergas universitarias)

Es una peli con más trama que la mayoría de las de la lista. No va tan a saco con los sketches, pero te partes igual. Will Ferrell, Luke Wilson (el hermano moreno de Owen Wilson), Vince Vaughn... Todos ellos viviendo en una fraternidad dentro del campus universitario con 30 y pico años.

(Después de una semana de borracheras, hablando con su esposa)

Marissa: Listen, I'm sorry I didn't call you on your birthday.
Frank: My birthday? What do you mean?
Marissa: Yeah, last Thursday. Oh, you forgot your birthday, didn't you, Frank?
Frank: Damn it. I'm such an idiot.

Se le había olvidado su propio cumpleaños! Ja!

2. The 40 Year Old Virgin (Virgen a los 40)

La mejor de todas las de Steve Carell y la primera que vi con un papel grande para Seth Rogen y Paul Rudd. Todo gira en torno a los intentos de los amigos de Carell para que se acueste con una mujer por primera vez.

Jay (dando consejos de cómo ligar): "All you gotta do is to use your instincts. How do you think a lion knows how to tackle a gazelle? It's written, it's code written in their DNA, says "Tackle the gazelle." Believe it or not, in every man there's a code written that says "Tackle drunk bitches."

Cal: "Oh, man. I had a weekend. We went down to, uh, Tijuana, Mexico, ya know. And there was this guy there and he was all, "Hey, you gotta come and check out one of these shows." And, you know, it's a woman fuckin' a horse. And you get there and you're thinking "Oh, a woman fuckin' a horse." And you get there, and it is not as a great as you thought it would be. It's kinda gross. I mean, it was really givin' it to her. To be honest, we all just felt bad for her. Kinda felt bad for the horse."

1. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (El reportero: La leyenda de Ron Burgundy)

Una absoluta película de culto para cualquier fan de las chorradas. Diálogos para llorar de risa con decenas de sketches que funcionan, un reparto All-Star (Will Ferrell protagonista, Steve Carell, Jack Black, Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Tim Robbins y Seth Rogen haciendo papeles secundarios o cameos), caracterizaciones kitsch tipo años 70, trama sólida dentro de lo subnormal... Yo no sé si se reivindicará suficientemente esta película con los años. Debería. Es una obra maestra de la comedia y la cumbre en la carrera de un grande como Will Ferrell, que lamentablemente ya está dando señales de agotamiento. Ahí van unos cuantos de los diálogos, pero realmente se podía pegar el guión entero.

Brian Fantana: That was some crazy party. I am hungover.
Champ Kind: Tell me about. I mean I woke up and I shit a squirrel. I mean it. Literally. And the hell of it is- the damn thing's still alive. So now I got this shit-covered squirrel sittin' down in the office. Don't know what to name it.
Brick Tamland: Sorry, Champ. I think I ate your chocolate squirrel.

Ron Burgundy: Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale's vagina.
Veronica Corningstone: No, there's no way that's correct.
Ron Burgundy: I'm sorry, I was trying to impress you. I don't know what it means. I'll be honest, I don't think anyone knows what it means anymore. Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago.
Veronica Corningstone: Doesn't it mean Saint Diego?
Ron Burgundy: No. No.
Veronica Corningstone: No, that's - that's what it means. Really.
Ron Burgundy: Agree to disagree.

Brian Fantana: I think I was in love once.
Ron Burgundy: Really? What was her name?
Brian Fantana: I don't remember.
Ron Burgundy: That's not a good start, but keep going...
Brian Fantana: She was Brazilian, or Chinese, or something weird. I met her in the bathroom of a K-Mart and we made out for hours. Then we parted ways, never to see each other again.
Ron Burgundy: I'm pretty sure that's not love.
Brian Fantana: Damn it.

Ron Burgundy: [to Veronica Corningstone] I'm gonna shoot you with a BB gun when you're not looking. Yep, back of the head.

Ron Burgundy: Let's go to Brian Fantana who's live on the scene with a Channel 4 News exclusive. Brian?
Brian Fantana: Panda Watch. The mood is tense; I have been on some serious, serious reports but nothing quite like this. I uh... Ching... King is inside right now. I tried to get an interview with him, but they said no, you can't do that he's a live bear, he will literally rip your face off.

Ron Burgundy: Boy, that escalated quickly... I mean, that really got out of hand fast.
Champ Kind: It jumped up a notch.
Ron Burgundy: It did, didn't it?
Brick Tamland: Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart.
Ron Burgundy: I saw that. Brick killed a guy. Did you throw a trident?
Brick Tamland: Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident.
Ron Burgundy: Brick, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.
Ron Burgundy: Brick, where did you get a hand grenade?
Brick Tamland: I don't know.

Brian Fantana: Ron, I know it sounds harsh, but God does not want her to live.

Veronica Corningstone: Mr. Burgundy, you are acting like a baby.
Ron Burgundy: I'm not a baby, I am a man. I am an anchorman.
Veronica Corningstone: You are not a man. You are a big fat joke.
Ron Burgundy: I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science.

Brick Tamland - [opposing women in the newsroom] I read somewhere that their periods attract Bears. The bears can smell the menstruation.
Brian Fantana - [after Brick talks about bears] Oh that's just great! You hear that, Ed? BEARS! Now you are putting the whole station in jeopardy.

Me he partido el culo releyendo diálogos de estos peliculones. Qué cracks!

AGUR!